Sh'mal In Time

Sh’mal In Time



I keep finding my way, sometimes circuitous,

With each step, ahead of the other;

Sometimes carefully placed,

Many times foolhardy.



I know this: Something beyond me is part of the plan.

My decisions are co-created. I appreciate the guidance.



Each movement comes from a source I know not so well,

Yet, transformation happens.



Imagine this: Turning 70 next month. I am gaining life.



Ego-romanticism: I don’t know what else to call that sometimes over-extended part of my life.

It’s been decades of a mix of: save this, kiss her, save that, kiss-touch her, help here, help her, rescue.



My son rescued a kitten this week; the runt of the litter.

It came to my mind this rescue mentality I’ve been graced with.

Never ever thought of life that way.



I didn’t know. Just trying to help out.

It was some part of my nature;

a karmic given that I didn’t understand since I felt dominated by ego-romanticism..

Following both urges.



I felt this need to participate as fully as creation is.

Still uncertain, how all these decisions came about.



Wait here with me while I muse:



Is it a life much different than…than. What? Who?

I don’t want to be ego tripping through life.

But is that what it has been?

Ego-romanticistic. Ego-rescuistic.



Oh Creator, generically speaking, mystery of life;

has all this time been to satisfy lil ole self. Me-ness.

Mememememe one more for fun — me.



Get over it man, you’re going to be fuckin 70.

Well, at least that the remains the case.



Like really feeling — being part of creation;

Still wanting to be creative not wanting to stop any of it.



Whoa. slow down bud: How many seeds do you want to plant in life?



Really, the truth is, it hasn’t been want,

More like a need or wait, my essence.

As many as my fingers can put in the ground;

or my mind can conjure or

my essence can spurt out.



There’s always been a big need going on; it doesn’t stop.

Wars, water, weather, women, gardening, wampum.



Wampum? You’ve been almost destitute man;

a hair breathe away from homelessness.



Oh, yeah, that’s true. Only wampum for getting by.

Not a great need.



Raised great children. Great.

I didn’t piddle in doing as right as I could.

I see the results.



Yes, I agree with mememememe.

It’s been a good life.

As full and as precious as any man could have it.

I am thankful.



It will go on. Maybe just hitting my stride.

That would be something.

So many years of good deeds;

Even with all the doubts and fuck-ups.



Life can’t come to cease.

I know these energies will keep pace with the needs.



Watering the fruit trees,

Befriending an elder;

Caring for the perennial vegetable gardens,

Grinding the flax seed,

Rescuing, sharing, receiving.



Some of it I see and understand,

It can’t be stopped..

It all makes a life —

Gives life.